I can’t believe you’re six weeks old!

I still have a hard time believing you’re real and you’re here. Is that weird?

In the last six weeks you’ve gone from 5 pounds to 9. And now you’re drinking up to 4 ounces! You’ve been awake more just to be awake and to babble at whoever is listening and for some reason you really like the bedroom window. You sleep better when being cuddled and you hate when I pull you away from daddy in the middle of the night when he’s fallen asleep.

You laugh in your sleep (like you did just now) and it’s one of the cutest things I’ve ever heard in my life.

I wish you could understand you don’t need to scream for your bottle; mommy and daddy know you’re hungry and that your tiny tummy is empty. Don’t worry baby girl, we got you. You’ll never go hungry, you don’t need to scream, k?

You’re starting to grow out of newborn clothes and though it might not be a big deal to some people, I think it’s sad. You’re growing and getting bigger and it’s just one of those reminders that time is passing way too fast. Soon you won’t be my newborn anymore, you’ll be a talking five year old or something. And I won’t know how I’ll keep from losing my shit when you start school and have to be away from me.

I’m sorry that sometimes your mommy can be a mess of things and a lot of times she won’t make sense. I’m sorry if my OCD will frustrate or annoy you when you get older. People never know how to navigate through parenthood and I think with a mental illness it makes it harder.

I want everything that’s the best for you but I know there will be times I’ll get in my own way of that. And I hope you can understand when those moments happen and not resent me for them.

I’ll miss you sleeping in my lap or watching you follow dragons around the room when you’re awake. I’ll miss the laughs in your sleep and you always putting your hands up. I’ll miss being able to spike your hair after a bath and I’ll absolutely miss your froggy legs.

I know six weeks isn’t monumental or anything; but seeing you slowly grow out of your newborn habits makes me want to hold on to the ones you still have so much tighter.

I can’t wait to see who you’ll grow up to be. What your dreams will be and what adventures we’ll go on. And as excited as I am for all of that… I’m going to miss my tiny newborn baby when she’s all grown up.

For now I’ll snuggle you a little longer.


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